New Widow

I have been a widow since April 3rd.  My husband died so very unexpectedly.  I am trying to get my life back together.  Everyone thinks I am doing a great job...except me.  I miss him. I'm mad at him.  I'm lonely.  I can't stand the thought that he will never come through the back door again.  Why did he leave me?  Why did he leave these 4 kids?  I let my guard down and all these questions come to my mind.  I have to trust God has a plan.  When I don't stay in Bible, I get down.  I can't do this withour him.  I have to get back in church.  I sometimes don't want to face people.  I do have good days.  More good days then bad days.  I would love to hear from other widows out there.  It let's me know I'm not crazy.  I'll talk to you soon.